Wednesday, September 24, 2008

My Favorite Debate Partner

I try hard not to be materialistic. I really do. It's just that I kind of suck at it. I like stuff. And I like buying stuff. And I like having stuff. And I like having NICE stuff. And I like having LOTS of NICE stuff.

The problem is that my life has not been very conducive to having stuff thus far. I've pretty much always lived on a student budget, and I was pretty much used to it. This summer has been the tightest of my relatively short life--I went three months without a paycheck and had my first two mortgage payments to pay. As a result I have been living pretty sparsely. I've felt guilty for spending $40 on a headboard for my bed, felt guilty for buying name-brand food instead of generic--that kind of thing.

Now, though, my first paycheck is imminent. Soon I will have money. Like....real money. Sure a lot will be eaten by my mortgage, student loans, winter heating bills and so forth. But I'll have money. Like...real money. So. Does that make it bad that I am already spending it?? Is it bad that I can't wait till Oct. to buy stuff?

Yeah. But I'm doing it anyway, and finding lots of creative ways to justify it to myself. I'm smart...I like arguing, even with myself. The best part of arguing with me is that I always win.

It started on Monday when I convinced myself to buy a really cute little accent chair for my living room. I wanted two chairs in there, and I had bought one at Ikea this summer. So now I have two, and the new one was not much more money than the Ikea one (but cooler).

That is fine and good, but now I have decided that the Ikea chair looks really bad next to the new, pretty one. The new one is antique-looking, the Ikea one modern and sleek. So I am in the process of convincing me to buy another accent chair and moving the Ikea one downstairs. I have been thinking about getting a chair for down there in case I want to watch TV down there--or if a guest staying down there wants to watch TV. That has been my main selling point for me, namely that I'm doing it for the convenience and comfort of my guests! It's not about me at all. No! Of course not!

I'm also thinking of telling myself that I'm doing it to keep the economy going. If I can convince me to watch/read the news, I'm pretty sure I can win me over that way, too.

It's like a double-assault on my own reasoning.

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