Monday, November 10, 2008

I will not tolerate change.

Anyone who knows me knows I am not the world's biggest fan of change. And when you're not a big fan of change, little insignificant things can remind you in a big way that change is all we know. It's just that we quite often ignore changes in order to provide the necessary illusion of constancy.

I went to visit my cousin, Molly, this weekend (Hi, Molly.), and we had a nice time visiting, shopping, and eating (eating--now there's an actual constancy in my life. Seriously...I'm eating right now. It's not even anything good, but I'm still eating it.). On Saturday we shopped, mostly for household stuff--not anything fun or exciting. I didn't tell Molly at the time because I wanted to process it, but at one point, while we were looking at fruit, I had another gut-slam moment. We were buying stuff for our own houses. Little household necessities and food and stuff. We were buying our own stuff with our own money for our own houses. With each other--we used to play house and pretend to do all that stuff. Now we were really doing it--no more pretend.

Of course, I've become accustomed to buying my own stuff for my own house. I've been doing this for more than 10 years. But once in awhile, particularly when you're with someone you've known since before your brain could even process rational thought, you think about it in a different, long-term-implication kind of way, and that's what happened to me. And after that, all weekend long, I kept going back to it...I was visiting Molly at her house. I drove myself there in my own car. I was using Molly's shower, sleeping in her spare bed, eating her food, and using her dishes. Goofing around with her kids. It was not her mom's stuff. It was Molly's stuff. Her own stuff.

When the heck did we become the adults? And when did it become so normal that we were the adults??

And when will it stop? I want my illusion of constancy back, please.

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